"Grief is like the ocean: it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim."
I recently came across this quote, and it really resonates with me. I absolutely love the ocean. It makes my soul happy to sit and watch the waves, feel the salt air on my face, it gives me a feeling that I can only find by the sea. Grief is like the ocean, some days I feel totally calm, and others I feel the weight of a strong current. I’ve learned over the years to let these feelings come and go. Grief does not have a timeline, it’s like the ocean and it’s ever present waves. Today I will allow myself to feel the waves……
Below is a letter we wrote to Addison.......
A letter to our daughter……..
It is quite hard to believe that you have been gone for 4 years or 1,460 days, it seems like forever and yet the time has also flown by. You would be turning 15 this summer and would have graduated 8th grade, which is crazy!
I often think about who you would be today. I wonder how your smile would look now, and the sound of your laugh, if your brother could still bring out the best smiles and laugh, if Daddy could still look at you just right and you would let out the happiest squeal. We miss our dance parties (we have updated our playlist and it is quite epic) . I miss our morning snuggles, swinging outside, the endless amount of crafts and books. I wonder which book series we would be reading now, (Owen and I recently read the Vandebeeker series and you would have loved it too!) or how many more stories and works of art we would have come up with.
There is so much more we miss, and we are so thankful that we remember your smile that could brighten up a room, the way you snuggled right into our necks, and your cute little snores!
We added a new addition to the family, Ollie Waffles Dube, an adorable feisty little kitty. He’s playful, cuddly on his terms or course, likes to follow us around, is forever helping me work, lol! His favorite place to sleep is in your room. He loves to sit on the windowsill and look out over the yard, I feel like he can sense that what is now his space belonged to someone incredibly important and loved! We think you would love his whiskers as they would have tickled you, and he is soft which you would have loved, and his purr would have definitely helped calm you down at times. However, he would have definitely thought that your feeding tube was a toy! He is Owen’s best buddy now, but your brother still misses you like crazy!
Over April vacation we went on a family trip to the Shenandoah Valley National Park. While driving through the park stopping to look over the vast valleys and mountains, I couldn’t help but think about you and feel your presence. I know that you are with us everywhere, but I found my thoughts drifting to you so much over our vacation. Owen had the most amazing time spending the week with your cousins Isabella and Jude, and Auntie and Uncle, Grammy and Grampa. He learned how to play pool, hiked to a waterfall, visited the most beautiful caverns, walked through an old train tunnel and so much more. We all made memories that will last a lifetime! We are still brainstorming on where we want to take you next!
We have become different people than we were 4 years ago, how could we not, we’ve been through so much! We hope you would be happy with all that we have accomplished and continue to accomplish in your memory. The impact you have created will last forever. We are still meeting people today that your soul and presence still captures them, we are truly grateful for all that you have taught and continue to teach us over the years!
We miss you more than words can say, and we wish for one more smile or laugh, but we do see the beauty you left behind in a gentle breeze, or the flutter of a passing butterfly, the smile on Owen’s face or laugh when daddy makes one of his pun’s or “Dad” jokes (Owen got him a “Dad Joke” book for Father’s Day and secretly wondering if its a mistake or not, lol). We will continue to see the beauty you left us each and every day! We love you so very much!
Mommy, Daddy, Owen and Ollie